


Belligerence

by powerandpathos



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Aftercare, Fighting, Happy Ending, Knives, M/M, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powerandpathos/pseuds/powerandpathos
Summary: Based on an ask/request for the imminent fight scene between She Li and He Tian.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: http://thefearofthetruth.tumblr.com/post/152959799669/belligerence

‘He Tian,’ said She Li. ‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’

‘Not long enough.’

‘Yeah, well, can’t escape each other too much in this rat race.’

They were gathering interest, eyes watching them. He Tian and She Li. Talking. In front of the school. What a sight they made.

 _You knew,_ He Tian thought. _You knew I_ _’d want this._ And then: _Good. The more eyes that are here the better._ It meant they weren’t all looking elsewhere.

‘How fucking dare you,’ He Tian said, lowly. ‘What the fuck do you even get out of this?’

‘I don’t think that’s any of your business.’

‘You made it my business when you went after my friend.’

‘Friend,’ said She Li. ‘There you go again with that word. I don’t think it means quite what you think it means.’

‘I know exactly what it means—’

‘Do you?’ said She Li, eyebrows raised. Behind him, his boys were growing irritated. They wanted a fight and they wanted it now. No one had time to wait. Students were gathering around them, like their voices were carrying, like they were standing in some way that indicated there was going to be blood.

And they were right: There was going to be blood. He Tian could smell it.

‘You know there’s a reason I went to him last night. All torn up. Willing to take any hand that was offered. Willing to do anything. I could have done worse.’

‘What the fuck are you—’

‘I saw you, He Tian,’ he said, smiling something feral. ‘You think I wouldn’t know what that kind of— _gesture_ would do to him? You think I wouldn’t know just how much you’d been fucking him over?’ He stepped closer, their foreheads nearly touching. ‘I just had to wait. Trust you to fuck things up like you’ve done before. Like you fucked things up between you and your brother—’

‘Don’t say a fucking word about my brother,’ He Tian growled.

‘Oh, _testy_ , are we?’ said She Li. He had his hands up beside his head. It was nothing like a surrender. ‘The last I heard the two of you were at each other’s throats. But then… You don’t really _do_ normal relationships, do you? Can’t quite get the balance right?’

‘You don’t know anything about me.’

She Li’s look was sharp, and it was getting under He Tian’s skin. _Don_ _’t let him,_ he told himself. _Don_ _’t you fucking dare let him._ She Li wasn’t Jian Yi or Zhengxi. More: he wasn’t Guan Shan. Things didn’t work the same with him.

She Li was different on a fundamental level: He didn’t quite have any sort of conscience.

 _Your problem is you care too much,_ his brother used to tell him. _But one day you_ _’re going to get fucked over._

He Tian wondered if that would be now. Except this didn’t feel like caring. This just felt like anger. This just felt like what it was: something done through blood-red vision and with his heart thudding in his throat and something he was going to regret later but couldn’t bring himself to think about now. Could, only, think about Guan Shan. How She Li had fucked with him. How he’d dragged him down and was spreading shit among the students.

‘Why are you believing _him_?’ he wanted to ask them. ‘When has She fucking Li ever said something that sounds like the truth?’ Guan Shan had played into his hands so easily, and He Tian hated it. Hadn’t he taught him better than that? Taught him not to really trust anyone? Not to trust _him_ even if that’s all he really wanted Guan Shan to do?

What a thing to imagine: Guan Shan. Willing.

‘I think I know too much about you, He Tian,’ said She Li. His voice was loud; it rang over the silent gathering in the school grounds. ‘I know that you’re a _filthy_ fucking _faggot_ and—’

It was easy to make the first punch. And it caught him across the jaw with a dull smack that echoed with gasps and wide eyes. Hands raised to mouths. Some of them took a step back. No one stopped them.

She Li had blood on his teeth when he smiled.

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘That was better.’

She Li didn’t fight clean, but that was okay: He Tian never said he would, either. 

 _You won’t always fight like I do,_ his brother was saying in his ear. _Sometimes you have to change. Adapt. You know how to pretend to be something else, don’t you?_

He Tian got a knee in She Li’s chest first. 

He got fist across his jaw and the jab of his elbow into his nose. A slap across his face that was just for kicks and a foot trying to sweep She Li’s feet from beneath him. 

But the advantage didn’t last long. He was attacking and forgetting to block himself off, getting too close, too lost with an onslaught that he thought would last, but She Li wasn’t like they usually were; He Tian couldn’t rely on speed and belligerence, so caught up in _why_ he was having to throw his punches at She Li. She Li wouldn’t get buried beneath the barrage of swinging fists.

Soon, She Li had He Tian’s jacket in his fist. He had it as leverage to pull him around and He Tian felt the bruising bloom of pain in his side, shaped like a fist, and the sharp kick at his shins as She Li tried to get him down.

 _I_ _’m not going down that easy,_ he thought. And neither of them did.

 _Stay on your feet as long as you can._ He could feel his brother’s fists on his skin. _You want to be stronger? Stop being so weak, Tian Ti._

He Tian gritted his teeth as She Li’s fist caught him on his neck, choked the breath out of him in a gasping daze, but he went with the momentum, let it force him back. Let himself go stumbling until She Li was forced to go with him, fist in his jacket, staggering forward into a jab of He Tian’s fingers beneath his ribs.

It had the desired effect: he doubled over, let go of the jacket, but He Tian didn’t give him space: he leaned over and rammed his elbows down between She Li’s shoulder blades. She Li grunted from the force of it, blood and spit running down his chin. But he was already down—already at the height where he could get his arms around He Tian’s waist and plant his feet and _push_.

He Tian fell down, a momentary sway, and hit the ground with his shoulder thudding against the concrete, felt the weight of She Li pressing down on him, knee in his chest. He saw the glint of his silver hair, lit by the sun; he saw the burn of amber eyes as a fist smashed into his face. Felt something break, something cave in.

 _Really?_ his brother said. _You_ _’re going down that easy? Get the fuck up._

He pulled his knee up, a sharp jerk, ignoring the pain in his face that felt like something was bursting out of his skin, and heard the quiet whoosh of air that left She Li winded.

He Tian pushed him off, rolled him onto his back until he could slam She Li’s head into the concrete floor, silver hair wet with blood—his? She Li’s? He heard She Li’s teeth rattle, but already She Li’s hands were scrabbling for purchase, locking around He Tian’s head, thumbs pressing into sockets.

‘No, you fucking _don_ _’t_ ,’ He Tian said, rocking back onto his heels and staggering to his feet.

She Li was up in seconds, and he wasn’t smiling anymore. He spat blood onto the floor, and stared at He Tian with his jaw at an odd angle.

They were, both of them, breathing heavy in a way that was pained, and He Tian thought his lungs felt funny—that it shouldn’t feel this sharp, that there shouldn’t be this white blinding pain when he breathed.

_Is that all you_ _’ve got? Are you going to finish this? Don’t tell me you want to save people if you don’t have the balls to go all the fucking way, Tian Ti._

He Tian took a step forward.

‘Stop! _Stop_!’

Everything stilled. Every head swung into the crowd, students watching like this was a match, like they were in a colosseum and just waiting for the lions to come out. But nothing like that came.

It was Guan Shan.

He Tian felt a spike of fear as he caught sight of him.

 _No._ No, he wasn’t supposed to _be_ here. He Tian was giving him time—was giving Jian Yi and Zhengxi _time_.

‘Fuck off, Guan Shan,’ He Tian said. ‘This isn’t your fight.’

‘Like _hell_ it is,’ Guan Shan said. He pushed his way further, until he was barely a metre away from He Tian. He Tian could reach his hand out and touch his. If he wanted. He kept them clenched, instead, at his sides. His knuckles were stinging already.

She Li was grinning again, wiping away the blood from his chin. ‘Might want to listen to him, Guan Shan. If you get involved someone might say you started it. You know how these rumours get spread…’

Guan Shan’s eyes swung to She Li’s, and it was a look He Tian recognised. It was a look, sometimes, that Guan Shan had given him. He recognised what it was now—what it meant.

It was a helpless sort of fear. A fear of absolute incapability. He Tian felt his stomach sink at the thought that Guan Shan had ever thought he and She Li were the same sorts of people.

‘She Li—’

But Guan Shan was cut off. And there were hands locked around his wrists, bodies in his way. She Li’s gang was holding him back, barring him.

 _Good,_ He Tian thought, knowing that otherwise he would have been shoving him back, keeping him out the way. A liability.

 _Liar,_ he thought next. And he wanted to laugh at how well he knew himself: not a liability, he knew. A distraction. Too long spent keeping him safe and not enough time spent covering himself.  

Guan Shan stared at the hands around his wrists. Tried to shake them off. He Tian didn’t want to think about how small he looked next to the other boys. How young. ‘What are you—’

‘Are we finishing this, then?’ said She Li.

He Tian swallowed the blood in his mouth, felt everything in him aching and protesting.

‘After you,’ he said, feeling raw. He thought She Li looked how he felt.

And then She Li pulled out a knife.

‘ _No_!’ cried Guan Shan. ‘You _can_ _’t_ —’

A hand clamped over his mouth, muffling him.

No one else noticed. No one else saw the blade tucked against She Li’s palm. It was innocuous and small. But it would slip easily between his ribs if She Li wanted it to, and no one would know until he staggered into the school bathroom and had blood spreading like a poppy across the front of his shirt, slid down the tiled wall, leaving a red, streaking hand print.

‘You’re a dirty fighter,’ said He Tian, gritting his teeth.

She Li didn’t respond. He stepped forward.

It became, then, a cat and mouse game. He Tian had to be quick; had to dodge the knife and keep his punches short and well-placed. He couldn’t put too much weight in his fists; the swing would slow him down—his sides would be free for a jab of She Li’s knife. He was already feeling tired.

They circled each other. She Li swung his arm out in a movement like a sucker punch, and He Tian felt the glide of the blade against his arm as he leaned back to avoid its trajectory.

He could feel the confusion of the crowd around him, seeing the bloody welts across his face and his arms where the knife was catching him. Trying to tell how there could be so much of it.

 _Too slow,_ he heard his brother say, feeling the cut well up. It was shallow, no more than a nick. He was too aware of Guan Shan. Could feel his eyes on him too much. Kept seeing his red hair, his red-rimmed eyes, his pale skin. Glimpses of him that were too much.

_I_ _’m doing this for you and you’re still driving me insane._

A memory came, unbidden, unwanted. He didn’t need it now. But all he could see was Guan Shan in his home; at his stove. He could smell it like it was something he imagined home would be like. He saw himself leaning on his elbows at the kitchen counter, after, a scrap of paper and a pen, and scrunched up balls of paper littered about the floor. He’d laughed at himself then, wondering what he was doing, and he wanted to laugh at himself now, bubbling up with some kind of hysteria because what the _fuck_ was he _doing_?

_Be strong and protect people, He Tian. Don_ _’t throw your fucking life away for them._

She Li was in front of him, and He Tian hadn’t seen him move.

His eyes were too close. His hair was shining almost white in the sun. Really, the whole thing only lasted a few seconds, but He Tian felt it, when he brought his arms up in a block. _Too late._

The blade sunk in neatly. Not far. Enough to steal the breath from him and make it catch in his throat. Enough that he might have cried out if Guan Shan wasn’t watching. Enough that he might have staggered if She Li wasn’t leaning into him like it was an embrace.

‘That’s the difference between you and me,’ She Li whispered, hand snaking around to He Tian’s back. ‘You care too much about what other people think.’

The knife dug deeper and—

‘ _Shh_ ,’ whispered She Li. ‘It’s all right.’

But He Tian must have made a sound. And he could see Guan Shan over She Li’s shoulder, body straining against the arms that were holding him back. His eyes were white all the way around, and they were swimming.

‘He’s all right,’ said She Li, loud. His voice carried across the grounds, and the students around them shifted, looks pained and worried but like they couldn’t help but stare. They’d all just stood there. Except Guan Shan who was—

He Tian couldn’t think about that right now. She Li was guiding him away. ‘I think we know who won this one,’ he said, laughter in his voice that was scratchy and worn. He was shaking against He Tian’s side as he led them through the crowds, heading into the school. His hand was pressing against He Tian’s side, over the wound, and He Tian felt it white and hot and burning and his vision was swimming.

They staggered through the corridors, and He Tian let him take him.

They reached the bathroom.

He Tian wanted to laugh. _Called it,_ he thought, distantly.

She Li let go of him when they got there, pushing him away. He Tian’s back hit the lip of a sink and he felt the vibration of it run through him like electricity, his side burning.

‘You didn’t win,’ He Tian muttered. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat and blood, and he stared at She Li through the wet strands of hair that had fallen into his eyes, hand clutching at his side.

She Li’s lip curled. It was the most spiteful He Tian thought he’d ever seen him. ‘Sure,’ he said. He had the knife out again, wiping it against his black t-shirt. ‘If it will help you fucking sleep at night, let’s say you _won_.’

‘You didn’t,’ said He Tian. ‘So distracted by me. You couldn’t help but put—put on a show, could you?’

She Li’s eyes narrowed. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

He Tian winced as he leaned back against the sink. He was starting to feel dizzy. Not from loss of blood—it wasn’t that bad. But the whole thing was catching up with him. ‘Jian Yi and Zhengxi should have found her by now,’ he said.

She Li’s look was flat. ‘Found who.’

He Tian just felt himself smile, a shaken, wry thing. ‘Better start running, snake.’

She Li didn’t ask him anything else. Like he had the sense to listen to the warning tone in He Tian’s voice. Like he knew that if there was a liar between them, then it wasn’t He Tian. He gave He Tian a dark look that could have meant anything, eyes lingering on the blood stain creeping across He Tian’s shirt, and then he left.

He Tian felt something in him go. Everything that was tight and strung in his body fell apart, and he buckled over at the waist, eyes squeezed shut, teeth gritted to hold back a scream.

 _Had they done it?_ he wanted to know. Had they got there in time? Had they found her? Was Guan Shan safe? Or, unbearably, had it all been for nothing?

He Tian’s hands were trembling as he unzipped his jacket and pulled the hem of his t-shirt up, the fabric peeling away from his skin, wet and sticking, and he hissed as he pulled it over the wound.

He stared at it, weeping blood.

 _Not too bad,_ he thought.

He threw up in the sink.

He ran the tap, washed out the acid from his mouth, poured handfuls of water across his skin until the blood seeped down into the waistband of his trousers and the gash didn’t look too terrible.

He heard a sound, in the doorway, and he pressed down the sigh as Guan Shan stared at him.

‘Oh my god,’ he said.

‘It’s not that bad,’ He Tian said, letting the t-shirt drop back down with a wet slap. He winced.

‘Oh my god,’ Guan Shan said again, stepping forward.

‘You would have done the same,’ said He Tian. And he knew, really, with a sinking kind of acceptance, that Guan Shan would not have.

And he couldn’t blame him for it. Not really.

His knees fell out from beneath him, and he would have stayed standing if his hands hadn’t been wet and slid against the ceramic edge of the skin. He would have stayed standing if Guan Shan hadn’t been unable to take his weight, had fallen down behind him with his arms hooked beneath He Tian’s. The movement sent fire through him, a strangled curse slipping past his lips.

‘He Tian,’ said Guan Shan, voice panicked in his ear. He was shaking him. ‘He Tian, are you—’

‘I’m not dead, Guan Shan,’ said He Tian. He could only hear how they were calling each other by their names and how _perfect it sounded,_ and wondered why it had to be because of this.

Another movement, at the door, and the kid couldn’t have been more than twelve. He saw the blood. The sickly pallor of He Tian’s skin.

‘Go and get a teacher!’ Guan Shan shouted, making them jump. ‘ _Now!_ ’

‘I’m all right,’ He Tian murmured, as the kid turned sprinted from the room, trainers squeaking down the hallway. ‘I’m okay. It’s not that bad.’

‘Not that… Just shut up,’ Guan Shan whispered. His forehead was pressed between He Tian’s shoulder blades. ‘Just stop talking.’

He Tian could feel him shaking, pressed up against him. He Tian felt a smile tugging at his mouth. ‘All this time, and I just needed to get stabbed for you to touch me.’

Guan Shan laughed, but it was a choked thing, full of shock and disbelief. ‘You’re such a pervert.’

‘Yeah,’ said He Tian. ‘Sorry. By the way.’

Guan Shan was quiet, like he heard what he was saying, and He Tian could hear himself trying to figure out if he forgave He Tian or not.

He Tian wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

‘I didn’t do it,’ was all that Guan Shan said. ‘What they said I did—I didn’t do it.’

‘I know. Idiot. Jian Yi and Zhengxi went to find the girl. Get her to tell the truth.’

There was a pause. _Why?_ it said. _Why are you doing this for me?_

‘You don’t know if they’ll find her,’ he said instead. ‘You don’t know that will work.’

‘It’s the best—best we could do, Guan Shan.’ He squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Shouldn’t you be in the administrator’s office?’

‘I should,’ he heard Guan Shan say, voice stiff. ‘I was on my way when I heard that you…’

‘I don’t regret it,’ said He Tian, pushing the words out even though it hurt. ‘I’d do it again. He can’t—can’t do that and get away with it. This is what—it’s what friends do. You’re not…’ He gritted his teeth, feeling like everything was ripping apart. Guan Shan’s head was on his shoulder, and he reached a hand back.

He couldn’t help the quiet sound of surprise he made; he’d thought Guan Shan’s hair would be coarse, and brittle, like the rest of him. Instead it was soft as feathers. Softer than Jian Yi’s. ‘You’re not alone,’ he told him. His voice was husky and strained as he moved his hand across Guan Shan’s head, down to his nape. His skin was the warmth of a sinking, afternoon summer sun. ‘I didn’t want you to think—I just wanted you to know you weren’t alone.’

There was the sound of footsteps in the corridor. Running. Panting. A woman’s high heels.

‘You’ll be okay,’ said Guan Shan, words muttered into the curve of He Tian’s neck. ‘You’ll be all right. And then—and then after this I’m going to kick your ass.’

He Tian laughed. It pulled at his side, and it burned. Everything faded out for a second. But it was worth it to feel Guan Shan laughing too.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: http://thefearofthetruth.tumblr.com/post/152959799669/belligerence
> 
> Please leave kudos if you enjoyed!


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